‘So do you have a man in your life?’
And the third question is????
And every time I hear myself start to justify again why I am single!!
So here goes – I am single because I enjoy being single! The bed is all mine! The remote is all mine! The wine is all mine! No snoring! No arguing over the dishwasher! Life is all mine! And my mind is all mine!
I am single because for the first time in my life I do not have someone telling me what to think, how to think, what to say, what to wear, how to act or who I can speak to!
I am single because how can I get to know someone when I don’t really know who I am??
And am I not lonely?? Sometimes! But you can be lonely in a crowded room and you can be so lonely in a relationship. So am I lonely – no! I am getting to know me and actually I think I might quite like who I am and the endless possibilities of who I could become.
And would I not like someone to share life with?? Yes, maybe, one day!
But just because you are in a relationship does not make you better than me, so look down on me all you like, it’s not going to make any difference!
And no, I am not a threat!
Oh I know that your husband thinks that I am going to lead you astray. And I know that you think I am going to make a play for your man but just because I am single does not mean that I want him. And it doesn’t mean that I want an affair! And please stop trying to flirt with me in front of your wife, it will be me she hates and me she blames.
But I do understand your fear. I know that you look at me and you wonder how you would cope. I know that in me you see all of your fears come true. I am the reminder of what happens when it all goes very wrong.
And I do know that you have crossed the road to avoid me because you don’t know what to say.
I understand when you say ‘you are too young to make such a big decision’ and ‘you need to find yourself a good man and settle down’. But ask yourself this – are you saying this for me or are you saying this so that you feel better?
Because I do understand that if I was in a relationship again, you could breathe a sigh of relief . That this would be proof that life does move on, the pain eventually goes and I would be the person I was once again. And that the past could be pushed to the back of your mind and the guilt you feel could be quelled.
But I do understand your fear. I understand that facing me means facing your own demons, your own fear of being on your own, your own fear of what it means to be lonely. And I do know that sometimes you accept second best to avoid that fear becoming a reality.
And I know that your pity is not really for me. It is what you would feel if it was you in my place. And I know, because I was once standing in your place, once I was that person who thought she was safe. But I am the reminder that the only thing in life we can be sure of is that one day it will be no more.
But maybe one day you will take the time to listen and you will hear that I am happy now and that you will see my smile is no longer a mask.
And being single?? Being single is facing the fear of being alone! Being single is finding out who you are, not who you are part of! Being single, just like being in a relationship, is a journey, a journey into the unknown.
And my wish is that, you like me, live and love life always…..