Small steps….

step out door“The greatest step is out the door”  German proverb

And this is what I tell myself everyday!  Because for me that step has been the hardest every day!

Everyday I can think of a thousand excuses why I do not need to step out of that door.  Everyday there has been tears.  Everyday I have fought back the fear.  Everyday I have taken a deep breath,stepped outside and left my safety behind.

And everyday I leave one place of safety to go to another.  Because my safety became my world, my life.  My life a battle, a war, a need to protect myself, to defend myself.  A need to surround myself with only those who could be trusted and at times only my children were included.

Everyday became a plan, a strategy to cope.  Everyday became a way to survive.  Everyday a mask to hide the truth.  And everyday you stop living a little more. And everyday you become a little more battle weary.

Then the cracks appear, the weariness takes its toll.  And when you step back through that door into your place of safety, the exhaustion takes over.  Life becomes an never ending circle of recovery.

But you can not keep it up and you have to make a choice,  The choice to let the dark take you once more or to use that last shot of energy to make a small step.

And this week?  This week I decided it was time to step outside, outside of my comfort zone.  So I took a deep breath, smiled at myself and stepped out of that door towards a new life.

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