To my lot:
You are my lights in the darkness. My reason for being, because you were the ones I brought into the world. Each of you a miracle and I know how lucky I am to have you. And I remember that each and every day.
I haven’t been the best of mums and I definitely haven’t been a normal mum. No one gave me a manual and said this is what makes a good parent but I was also so young, still a child with a child. I hated that I had to work to make sure we survived! I hated knowing that I had so little time with you! But I love the memories, I love the fact that imprinted on my heart is the precious time I spent with you.
Please remember the nights I would take you out to watch for shooting stars, the search for fairies in the garden, the sunsets on the beach, bedtimes with books – my precious time, sitting at the table, walks in the woods. I hope that I taught you to look at life through the eyes of a child. I hope that I taught you the beauty of life,
I am proud of each and every one of you, so proud it makes my heart want to burst. In my darkness you were my light, you were my reason and I knew that you needed me more than I needed to let go.
And so while you are downstairs celebrating the end of the world, I am here writing my letter to you. And yes you have all been up to sit with me and talk about your lives and what your plans are for the coming year. And that makes me smile, because I know I still mean so much to you, so much that you still need to tell me.
I smile inside because you never forgot your brother, even though you never knew him, he is still part of you and your life. And whilst I always wonder what he would have become, I know that you too wonder the same.
And so I wish, wish so much that you have a future, that the world will not stop, that you will become all you are meant to be. Because I would give up my life to make sure that this happens, because to me you are the future, to me you are the reason life should go on. And I know that every parent who looks at their child, whether they are new to the world or whether they are an adult, will feel that same sense of love. Unconditional love that is fierce and compelling. Love that spans the universe and reaches into the heart. Love that reaches to the moon and back because that was our favourite book. Love that is like no other. Love that you would give your life for. Love that has no reason, because reason would complicate the soul. Love! Pure, unconditional love.
Because there are no words to describe the love a mother has for her children, no words to describe the pain, the depth, the beauty, the life giving force that a child can bring to a person. And you, my children, are my life.
So my hopes, my dreams, my wishes are that we are still here tomorrow.
With all my love, hugs and kisses