I cannot leave here, I cannot stay…..

60697-640x360-london_eye_nye2012_fireworks_6402013 is here!  Big Ben chimed,  a spectrum of fireworks filled the sky,  champagne corks popped and Auld Lang Syne was drunkenly sang with linked arms!  Text messages, Facebook, Twitter and phone calls!  Now the thoughts of how to get home and whether it was a good idea to have had that last glass of wine!

And tomorrow?  Tomorrow we will remember the good intentions made on NYE!  Loose weight?  Give up smoking?  Go to the gym?  Eat healthily?  Not drink so much in future!  Funny really how the resolutions are related to all the things we have over-indulged in over the last week!  Guilty conscience maybe?

I will admit I have heard some good ones this year – become a father!  Shame he hasn’t got a partner but could be interesting to see how that one progresses!  And then the non specific ones – be a better father!  Be a better husband!  Find a better work/home life balance!  Do something for charity! Walk instead of drive! Like that’s going to happen!

When I was a kid I thought that it was called a New Years Revolution – yep thoughts of anarchy and rebellion.  I could never really understand how saying you were going to join the gym equalled chaos and disorder.   And to tell the truth, I’ve always been good at rebelling anyway so if I’m going to revolt I’m not going to be telling everyone my intentions in case they try to stop me!

Anyway – 2013?  Looks like I’m only going to be here until March so best get on with it.  So do I set myself some of those SMART targets??  You know the Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound type targets.  The ones we add to our appraisals each year at work, managers get fired up about and then the ones we panic about if we haven’t in some way achieved them – no pay rise for you this year!

Oh I can see the point and I understand how it works but I am a bit of a rebellious sort and if my heart isn’t in it then I’m not going to do it!  And if someone is going to tell me what to do I will only do the opposite anyway and forget the reverse psychology because I can see straight through your plan!

I guess this is why I work with teenagers – I’m more rebellious, got more attitude, will actively challenge and am not scared to say “I don’t get it” or “it’s not going to happen!”

So this New Year Resolution?  My journey into the unknown started when I decided to give up smoking and needed something positive to focus on – yep I started blogging (absolutely nothing to do with NYE resolutions either and I only gave up smoking because my friends said I couldn’t do it).  What has blogging done for me?  Well it has helped me find out what is important to me, what I am passionate about, what inspires me, what fires me to get up and do something!  But it has also helped me to see what I have missed.  That the world is so much bigger than the here and now and that I have outgrown my old life, that once you have taken the first step on your journey, there is no turning back.

Simple!

But, in words not my own but those that speak to my heart, I cannot leave here, I cannot stay!  I may have outgrown this life and would love to move somewhere new, to start again, but my work and my family are here so I have to stay.  What I can do is explore my world!  And so my Resolution?  To visit a different place each month, to explore the places that I have taken for granted and to see them through new eyes, to learn the history, to become a tourist in my own country.

And maybe, just maybe, if the world doesn’t end, maybe next year my Resolution could be to explore a bit further.  Maybe I will be able to spread my wings a little wider and maybe, just maybe the world will become a little smaller.  Maybe my journey into the unknown will be a step further towards the release and the freedom I desire and I will no longer feel that this life has not been all it could have been.

Inspired by:  Writing Challenge: New Year’s Resolutions (Doompocalypse Redux)

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One response to “I cannot leave here, I cannot stay…..

  1. Pingback: DIE KISSING « hastywords·

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